Ali G once interviewed John Gray about how to avoid a relationship. it is a killer comedy bit that probably resonates with a lot of people out there. But why is it so funny to seek out a relationship expert for advice on how to avoid a relationship?
Because relationships are hard. The more intimate relationships I get involved in, the more I realize just how difficult they are. Steven Stosny, Ph.D., wrote an article yesterday on Psychology Today that talks about something called Binocular vision.
My interpretation of his article is basically that the most important skill in a relationship is the ability to hold your partner’s perspective in mind when the two of you (us) are communicating.
He posits that falling in love uses the limbic systems of the brain, which are fully developed when in individual is a toddler. but staying in love has a lot more to do with the prefrontal cortex, which isn’t ripe until a person is in their late twenties.
Bottom line, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes before you speak. It’s not easy. Will we succeed at this all the time? Probably not.